46: The Power of Play: Healing Generations One Child at a Time with Candace Rutkowski

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Narrator

Hello and welcome to Cherie Lindberg's Elevated Life Academy. Stories of hope and healing. Through raw and heartfelt conversations, we uncover the powerful tools and strategies these individuals use to not only heal themselves, but also inspire those around them. Join us on this incredible journey as we discover the human spirit's remarkable capacity to heal, find hope in the darkest of moments, and ultimately live an elevated life.

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Cherie Lindberg

Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Elevated Life Academy, and I am your host, Cherie Lindberg. And today we have a provider from Wisconsin that I think you're going to find very interesting. And her name is Candace, and I hope that you could introduce yourself and share your services and share the populations that you work with.

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Candace Rutkowski

Absolutely. Hi Cherie so good to meet you and be here. Hello to your your community. Listening. My name is Candace Rutkowski I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and a registered play therapist supervisor. As Sheree said, I am located in Wisconsin. I own a private practice in Lake Geneva, which is in southeast Wisconsin near the Illinois border.

00;01;26;24 - 00;01;39;08

Candace Rutkowski

I currently only work with children and I work all the way down to babies and up through the age of 12, and then their grown ups and whatever capacity that looks like.

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Cherie Lindberg

Wonderful. Well, how I heard about you was through a Facebook group, and I saw that you offered services to children. And I know that we have a shortage of providers that offer services to children. And so I was like, oh, I want to get her on the podcast, cause I want to hear more about what you do. And I find it fascinating.

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Cherie Lindberg

You even work with infants. So can you tell me a little bit more about how you work?

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Candace Rutkowski

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So I've been in the field now, I just my 12th anniversary, if you will. Since grad school graduation, which is so incredibly crazy to me that I'm now past the ten year mark. And over the years I've, I've worked with a variety of populations, as most of us do as we get started. I've worked with individual grown ups, couples, and just as I've gone along, I've realized that children are really where my heart lays and where I need to be.

00;02;36;28 - 00;03;07;24

Candace Rutkowski

Just thinking in terms of family systems, generational patterns, helping children, you know, find a better start to life or just maintain where they are in a really healthy way with their grown ups and their families. It's just where my passion really, really is. And so over the years, I've just found different models of play therapy and different trainings that really fit with my lens of the work and the world.

00;03;07;27 - 00;03;33;28

Candace Rutkowski

And they're all really based off of neuroscience and poly vagal theory. Even so, nervous system work and attachment theory. So looking at the attachment and bond between the grown up and the child. So over the years I got connected to a variety of people. And Janet Courtney, doctor Janet Courtney is one of them. And she created first play infant play Therapy.

00;03;34;01 - 00;04;07;22

Candace Rutkowski

So I went through her intensive training and I'm certified in this model, and we can work as young as two weeks old and this model goes through or up to the age of three. And so what we're doing with first play is we're teaching the grown up, whether it's the primary caregiver or let's say, temporary. As a foster parent, we're helping them understand attachment and bonding and how to attune to their baby and young child how to play with them.

00;04;07;24 - 00;04;29;03

Candace Rutkowski

And what we know in the play world is that you actually don't need toys to play. So, you know, new parents get really stressed out. Like, what kind of toy should I go buy? You don't really need any for that first year of life. You can just have play between you and the baby and that will be more than enough.

00;04;29;05 - 00;04;55;02

Candace Rutkowski

So we're looking at those components in first play and then within helping the grown up understand the baby and play with them for including some nurturing touch. So we actually have a baby doll as our model. And we tell a story while providing nurturing touch to our baby doll. And we teach the grown up that story and the touch and providing that for their actual baby.

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Candace Rutkowski

So it's also a very short term and preventative model, which is very exciting for the world and mental health.

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Cherie Lindberg

Yeah. Well, I'm excited to hear because my background an attachment as well. And what I'm hearing you say is that you're basically teaching that attunement so that you're that attachment cycle is going to help them lead more to a secure attachment versus insecure. So that's really lovely. And you're doing that through play is what I'm hearing.

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Candace Rutkowski

Exactly. Yep. And you know there's so much data to just through, you know, time that we've compiled. And there's so many folks out there doing actual research looking at the benefits of play. But I mean, we can go back decades and even outside of the psychology field to see the benefits of play across the world, even, you know, play is one of those ways to communicate, like music, that there is no right way.

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Candace Rutkowski

You know, you can drop yourself into any country and culture around the world, and if you observe the children playing, they're going to experience the same benefits as children across the world. So it's it's very exciting. But I, I get very passionate about this topic and very intense sometimes because we have real systems and challenges in our society that don't understand the value of play and how it can help us heal, connect with our people.

00;06;23;12 - 00;06;43;17

Candace Rutkowski

I think it's a it's a serious problem right now. And so any time we can highlight, play and encourage folks to play together, you know, adult play, which is really important, we have to be playing till the end of our life to be healthy. It's important, you know, it's a very important thing.

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Cherie Lindberg

Yeah. Let's unpack that a little bit. What, what are some of the barriers that you see.

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Candace Rutkowski

Yeah. Gosh I mean within the field I would say insurance is one of them. You know it's it's really difficult helping the insurance world understand what we do. I'd say in general as mental health providers, but as plethora persists, you know, we have to work really, really, really hard to provide appropriate documentation, if you will. That essentially proves not only do we know as the licensed professionals what we're doing, but also the benefit of play and why that creates healthy mental health and, you know, getting appropriate reimbursements for us so we can survive and pay our bills.

00;07;31;10 - 00;08;02;27

Candace Rutkowski

But also so these children and even adolescents can get the proper care that they need. Outside of our field, I mean, I would say I think it's just a lack of education, a lack of understanding. You know, a child, you know, the child itself, you know, child development and what they need, you know, so I, I always preface when I talk about the school system, I wholly validate that schools are overwhelmed, understaffed.

00;08;02;29 - 00;08;31;16

Candace Rutkowski

They are not getting what they need either. So I just really want to mention that teachers, I see you, I validate you, you guys have really tough jobs. And you know, one of the barriers within the school system is with that maybe lack of understanding or education. You know, we're pulling recess away from children, even young children. We're pulling away play and movement where, you know, we're punishing them and taking away what they need.

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Candace Rutkowski

And the mentality in some areas is, well, if we let them go to recess or let them move their bodies, we're rewarding that teacher. And it's the total opposite. It's the absolute opposite. All the data shows if we let children move throughout the day, you know, obviously we have to accommodate everyone's needs. You know, how can the child move and not essentially disrupt others, right?

00;08;56;05 - 00;09;25;07

Candace Rutkowski

How can everyone learn appropriately? But if we're taking recess away, making them to sit inside to punish them, you know, they're missing out 20 plus minutes free play and they need that general society. I'd say again, you know, with that lack of understanding and dictation piece or just even lack of values sometimes on the child and who they are, I mean, I'm seeing parks disappear or I'm seeing, you know, the parks that are around.

00;09;25;07 - 00;09;47;13

Candace Rutkowski

I don't see anybody outside anymore. You know, I think tech has something to do with that. It's not the entire part, it's just part of it. But, you know, there's still it seems like so much fear if we let kids go outside to play. And data shows the opposite of that, too, like there's not, you know, as many kidnapings out there as people think there are.

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Candace Rutkowski

And, you know, it's not dangerous to let your kid go play outside. So it's an interesting shift that has happened in the last handful of decades. I know I miss being outside till the streetlights come on. You know, that was so fun. And our parents trusted us to come home and and it all worked out, you know, but realistically, in some communities.

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Candace Rutkowski

Right. I mean, we have to be aware of piece where, where it can be dangerous. Right. Some communities it's not safe for kids to be outside. Yeah.

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Cherie Lindberg

I really you just had me think of my kick the candies, you know, and that waiting for that a nightlight to come on on the outside of the house. That's when you knew you had to come home.

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Candace Rutkowski

Yeah. Yep.

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Cherie Lindberg

So talk more about central nervous system regulation because yeah, I think that's where our field is going. And it's so important. And I agree with you that there's a lack of education that those recesses help the physiology, discharge any tension so that they can focus and pay attention. And and I don't like you said, I don't think the school districts are or people are understanding because they have these competing.

00;10;55;13 - 00;11;06;20

Cherie Lindberg

Oh, we've got to get them to this level on this test or whatever, taking up more time instead of that free time, which is going to help their physiology settle so that they can focus.

00;11;06;23 - 00;11;07;15

Candace Rutkowski

So yes, to.

00;11;07;15 - 00;11;09;12

Cherie Lindberg

Talk a little bit more about that.

00;11;09;15 - 00;11;35;00

Candace Rutkowski

Yes. For sure. I'm going to I'm going to shout out to Lisa Dion. She's the creator of Synergetic Play Therapy. I recently went through the intro course for her model in Chicago last month, and she was talking about interpersonal neurobiology, created by Dan Siegel and Alan, whose last name always escapes me. Alan. Thank you. Sure. Yes. There's two Alan's out there that I, I get the last names can see.

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Candace Rutkowski

So I don't want to ever speak about the wrong Alan. But with that all being said, she was talking about how Dan Siegel has said, you know, if if we look at the DSM so our diagnostic, you know, manual out there for those who don't know what it is, you know, you can basically look at every diagnosis as some sort of dysregulation in the nervous system.

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Candace Rutkowski

And I had never heard that before. I mean, I have followed Dan and, you know, the pain, Bryson, for a long time, but I didn't know that he thought that way about the DSM. And I really sat on that and I was like, yup, yup, that makes sense. Yeah. The DSM is just representing dysregulated human beings. So we you know, that begs the question, are we actually disorder or are we just humans who are emotionally dysregulated and struggling and we need support?

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Candace Rutkowski

So, you know, the play therapy world is yeah, finally in that realm now, you know, looking at neuroscience and nervous system activation. And we're trying to mold it all together. And it's a very exciting time. It's very exciting to be in the play therapy world right now. And we're learning better ways to to better understand the child and signs where they are activated.

00;12;49;24 - 00;13;11;28

Candace Rutkowski

Are they hyper aroused or are they hypo aroused or are they in their window of tolerance? So, you know, when it comes to, you know, partnering with schools or other providers, that's where I lean towards okay. You know, kiddo who is eight, you know, they felt angry yesterday and they flipped the table. Okay. Let's talk about their nervous system first.

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Candace Rutkowski

What led them, you know, to feel hyper aroused and get activated that way. So that's really where the need is. How do we meet that need that started this activation. But then what are some, you know, relational and individual techniques and things that we can look at to help kiddo eventually not flip the table. Right. But that takes a lot of work, right?

00;13;37;01 - 00;14;05;06

Candace Rutkowski

On the grownups part. Even in the play therapy room, we have to be so attuned to our clients and track them as best as we can. But also, the more I dive into this sector of our field, I'm learning about the importance of self-regulation and self attunement. So, you know, we won't be able, no matter what role we're in for a child, we won't be able to show up for them and support their nervous system.

00;14;05;09 - 00;14;26;23

Candace Rutkowski

If we are so distressed. Related. We're not even attuned and regulated to our self. So that's something that I'm really shifting into with, okay, how do we, you know, okay, how am I going to co regulate with this child doesn't want to leave the playroom and they're starting to ramp up. And maybe they're you know they throw things or they elope or whatever.

00;14;27;00 - 00;14;51;24

Candace Rutkowski

How am I going to stay connected to myself. So I'm not flipping my lid. So it's a lot of it's a lot of self work. You know, the older I get and the more I, you know, go through this field, I realize. And so I wish I could take a break from my own therapy. If anything, I need to ramp my own therapy up, you know, because my own stuff comes up pretty much every day in the playroom and say what teachers though, right?

00;14;51;24 - 00;15;02;25

Candace Rutkowski

But we just need to educate them. We need to get them, you know, properly supported so that they know when their students are struggling. Okay. How do we go inward first for a second.

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Cherie Lindberg

Yeah, I love what you're saying. We're going to be doing a training for schools in the middle of the summer here. And we're going to be talking about a lot of the concepts that you're talking about. So, so taking a different twist here a little bit. Can you share a little bit about your journey like how did you be how did you decide okay, I'm going to do private practice and then I'm going to, you know, work with, you know, becoming a play therapist.

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Candace Rutkowski

Oh great question. I you know, I always laugh at this only because I don't see myself as a cliche kind of person. You know, I see myself as someone who sort of floats on their own little island on their own, and I have felt that way most of my life is not all my life. But when it comes to my career, I will say this goes back to freshman year of high school.

00;15;57;28 - 00;16;16;16

Candace Rutkowski

So, you know, at 15, for some reason, I was the friend that a lot of people came to. Candace, my boyfriend hates me at is, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Can I get your advice? And you know what? 15 year old knows anything, right? I mean, we know we know what we know, but I wasn't, you know, a professional.

00;16;16;16 - 00;16;39;15

Candace Rutkowski

I wasn't a grown up. And I did my best to love my friends and to support them. And then along maybe end of the year into sophomore year, I took some type of psychology course and I learned about CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, and then being a psychologist. And I thought, okay, all right, I'm really good at giving advice.

00;16;39;18 - 00;17;02;29

Candace Rutkowski

Quote, right. Adolescent brain thinking. I'm really great at giving advice. And here's this CBT psychology thing. Well, goodness, if I can get paid to tell people, let's do like a gig, right? And not knowing that that's not what therapy is, right? We tell people what to do. But it was the it was the connection of I can actually help somehow.

00;17;02;29 - 00;17;24;23

Candace Rutkowski

I can serve somehow. And, you know, I was raised in a family that serving is just something that you do. And it could be on a grand scale about, you know, volunteering through an organization or on a minor scale. Hey, you know, when mom gets home with the groceries, you get up and you help her, right? And so that was instilled in me.

00;17;24;23 - 00;17;42;20

Candace Rutkowski

And my parents have volunteered my whole life in various aspects. So I saw that. I saw that, you know, we we are here to support each other. So, you know, it. Just call to my heart. And then as I got older, I realized, yeah, I want to I want to go into therapy. I want to be a therapist.

00;17;42;20 - 00;18;05;07

Candace Rutkowski

I studied child psychology in undergrad. I actually went into regular psychology, like general psychology. And then when I found out the University of Minnesota Twin Cities campus had child psych, I was like, oh yeah, kids. That's right. I like kids, you know, I've always felt called to be with kids in some aspect. Okay, I'm going to change my major.

00;18;05;12 - 00;18;23;03

Candace Rutkowski

I'll go into child psych. I'll go learn about the child brain and the you I love the you, man, I missed you. It was a wonderful experience. But there are research school. So all my professors, you know, were ideally, you know, wanting us to go into research. And I was like, no, don't want to do that. You all could do that.

00;18;23;03 - 00;18;54;12

Candace Rutkowski

But I want to go into clinical work. And so I had to leave the U and go find another school to get my masters. And when I learned about marriage and family therapy, it just made sense. You know, that's the only way I can describe it, due to how I was raised, how I saw my family at the time, how I felt we were connected, you know, it just made sense to study relationships and patterns and generational stuff and then add to Saint Mary's, where I went for grad school.

00;18;54;15 - 00;19;25;14

Candace Rutkowski

I don't even remember how, to be honest. I got word that they had play therapy courses. I was like, well, I have no idea what play therapy is, but the little bit I knew it had something to do with working with kids, I was like, I might as well, right, might as well. And then I learned throughout that process what the field is about and how it's a very, you know, helpful way to serve children because we're meeting them where they're at developmentally with their form of communication, which is play.

00;19;25;16 - 00;19;52;09

Candace Rutkowski

then, well, so I graduated in: 2013

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Candace Rutkowski

into this world. And then in: 2019

00;20;15;04 - 00;20;40;11

Candace Rutkowski

So it just it just makes sense to me. You know, this is where I am meant to be. Now. I've been thinking a lot. This is am I meant to be a clinician forever? I don't know, this is really hard work. It's tougher, I think year to year I don't feel like it's necessarily getting easier. And with how things are these days and where my heart is calling, I want to find other ways to serve.

00;20;40;11 - 00;20;56;03

Candace Rutkowski

Even if I add it to my plate. You know, I'd love to be part of some tables where decisions are made so children get what they need from the start. That's very important to me. So I don't know what that looks like yet, but you know, my heart's open to it.

00;20;56;05 - 00;21;02;27

Cherie Lindberg

Yeah. Beautiful. And so did you work for agencies first and then go into your own private practice? Is that how you.

00;21;02;27 - 00;21;34;05

Candace Rutkowski

Yes. Yeah. That's right. So I graduated and then went straight into community mental health agency in the Twin Cities, did in home work. So I was doing in-home skills for families who, you know, basically need the most help, you know, severe generational trauma challenges, severe trauma and present day that well, like, that job opened my eyes that there is a much bigger world out there than I had ever imagined.

00;21;34;07 - 00;21;56;02

Candace Rutkowski

As hard as it was, though, I loved it in some aspects. I mean, I got to the point where I couldn't walk into someone's home for the first time, and just by scanning, I could clinically put things together and I'm like, yep, okay, okay, okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. Eventually I did burnout, though. I was not properly supported in that environment, and I burned out.

00;21;56;09 - 00;22;20;19

Candace Rutkowski

And that was pretty scary as no one prep, you know, kept me for burnout. We didn't talk about that in graduate school, unfortunately. And so then I moved into outpatient and another agency tested my feet in there and tried a group private practice at one point, and then went to another agency for outpatient. Not once. If I'd been very frank with you, not once did I ever consider opening my own business.

00;22;20;23 - 00;22;44;18

Candace Rutkowski

I didn't take that course in grad school. It was offered as an elective. I had no desire. I'm like, I don't have a master's in business. I wouldn't even know what to do. I'm not. I don't want to do that. And then my last agency job taught me, I don't really like working for other people. I don't really like authority, especially if authority doesn't match my values.

00;22;44;18 - 00;23;07;11

Candace Rutkowski

Systems or act in in illogical or unethical ways. So that sort of opened my eyes and it really pushed me to consider it's time canvas, to do your own thing. It's time for you to do your job how you think is best. You follow the ethics and you serve the people you want to serve the way you want to.

00;23;07;13 - 00;23;25;04

Candace Rutkowski

at to do. And so September of: 2020

00;23;25;04 - 00;23;31;28

Candace Rutkowski

I love doing what I want to do, how I want to do it, and, you know, just having that relationship with my clients.

00;23;32;02 - 00;23;54;08

Cherie Lindberg

I mean, beautiful, you're not the only one. I mean, I often ask people about their journeys and you hear a lot of folks that have gone into private practice say the same thing. It's like I wanted to be able to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to be able to follow my values and offer the care and the services the way I thought would serve my clients the best.

00;23;54;08 - 00;23;59;06

Cherie Lindberg

So that's pretty much a common answer of why people go into private practice.

00;23;59;09 - 00;24;20;08

Candace Rutkowski

Definitely. Yeah, I been asked even like, do I want to start expanding, right? Not even multiple locations, but do I want to start opening my business to contractors or employees? And I said, I know you know that. I mean, I've gone through some recent leadership roles and it's taught me I just I don't know, I don't think I'm called to be a leader.

00;24;20;08 - 00;24;45;19

Candace Rutkowski

So directly, you know, maybe, maybe I have it in me and I just don't know it. But it's just it's kind of hard to make decisions and, you know, tell people what to do or set parameters because I'm too nice, you know, I'm too sensitive. I'm too nice. Actually, I'll rephrase that. I'm a sensitive human and I'm very kind and nice and that can be tricky when you have to have hard conversations.

00;24;45;19 - 00;24;48;07

Candace Rutkowski

And I would prefer to just avoid it completely.

00;24;48;07 - 00;25;05;14

Cherie Lindberg

Yeah, well, that's good that you know that about yourself. Like I had the same thing happened. I had a clinic and I thought that that was my dream. And then I was managing people and I'm like, oh, I don't really like managing people. Yeah. And so I closed that clinic and ended up in, you know, just doing my own private practice.

00;25;05;14 - 00;25;26;11

Cherie Lindberg

So I completely understand what you're talking about. Yeah. Setting boundaries. He's seen as a punitive parent, you know, because you have to say you can't do that. And. Absolutely. So I hear what you're saying. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. Is there any other maybe you wanted to share that maybe I didn't ask you.

00;25;26;14 - 00;25;58;00

Candace Rutkowski

Oh you know, gosh, I don't I mean, if anything, I just want folks to know that play therapy is alive and well in the state of Wisconsin. We exist here. We have a branch here through the Association of Play Therapy, and we are highly trained to serve kids, meeting them where they're at developmentally and, you know, truly helping them see themselves as legitimate, worthy humans who exist on this planet.

00;25;58;02 - 00;26;20;04

Candace Rutkowski

And, you know, I do work with neurodivergent kids as well. That is an area of focus I've shifted into the last year and a half, and that's opened my eyes to that. You know, neurodivergent kids are also valuable people on this planet, and their way is okay, and they need to be included more in our societies in different ways.

00;26;20;07 - 00;26;21;02

Cherie Lindberg

Thank you so much.

00;26;21;02 - 00;26;22;13

Candace Rutkowski

For yeah, thank you.

00;26;22;19 - 00;26;27;27

Cherie Lindberg

For what you do. Because in our times right now, like children really do need support.

00;26;27;27 - 00;26;48;23

Candace Rutkowski

So they they do. Yeah I worry I'm, I'm worried a lot right now for them. So we need to we need to to put our hearts and our money and our time into the kids. I mean, the reality is that if we don't, if we really don't, we're not going to have the future that we envision because we don't wake up on our 18th birthday.

00;26;48;23 - 00;27;01;22

Candace Rutkowski

And like most stuff and are super healthy, it really does start, actually, not only just infancy, it starts in the womb. So we need to be actually paying our money and attention and support into pregnant people.

00;27;01;25 - 00;27;29;26

Cherie Lindberg

So I'm right on on that track with you. And I just want to thank you so much for coming on and and sharing information and I'm just going to encourage our listeners to share this information as much as you can. If anyone, maybe you know someone, a parent or you know a school teacher that needs some additional skills to be able to work with these children, you know, look, look, Candace up, she's in Lake Geneva in Wisconsin.

00;27;29;26 - 00;27;31;12

Cherie Lindberg

So thank you so much.

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Candace Rutkowski

Thank you.

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Narrator

Thank you for joining us on another uplifting journey on Cherie Lindberg's Elevated Life Academy. Stories of Hope and healing. If you found resonance or connection with what you've heard today, we encourage you to share this episode and consider becoming a subscriber. Please spread the word so others can live an elevated life.